|A pint of Polygamy Porter with the legally required Chocolate Sundae|
Wasatch Brewing’s Polygamy Porter is a rich, uncomplicated pleasure. If only polygamy itself were that way.
On the surface, multiple wives sounds wonderful. I love my wife, and so wouldn’t a second, third, fourth or even more of a great thing be wonderful? While it would reduce the number of times I’d have to do the dishes or clean the bathroom, this would be partially offset by more people to clean up after. I would be constantly asked to reach up for high objects, and being completely outnumbered, would have no possible control of the TV remote. With multiple wives, Sting would whine incessantly from the stereo speakers and cat toys would completely litter the house, the cats themselves becoming hopelessly fat and spoiled from multiple sources.
One could argue the carnal pleasures with multiple wives in the bedroom would easily overcome these mundane problems. While sex involving a single man and multiple women has been successfully choreographed many times in porn movies with actors, a director and script, I’m not so sure in the real world it would work out so well. I can see this group sex easily evolving into group collisions, group indecision, group impatience or even group not-this-again before completely degenerating into group mutiny.
Of course, rarely do I have the energy for such night time gymnastics. Most nights I’m not even in the mood at all and thankfully most of those times, my wife isn’t either. Multiple wives upset this delicate balance, and sex would likely turn into a daily night time chore to keeping one of the wives happy, much like taking out the garbage.
So I’ll stick with just the one wife I love and no more, even if it isn’t legally required. When it comes to marriage, I’ve found there’s a lot to be said for simplicity.
Such as the simple pleasures of Polygamy Porter. It’s rich, it’s smooth, and roasty flavors of light bitter chocolate and coffee are perfectly restrained. End of story.
If only the State of Utah had more respect for its brewing treasure. Hoping to enjoy a pint of Polygamy Porter recently at a Utah sports bar, the cheerfully apologetic waitress informed me I had to order something off the food menu in order to be legally served the beer. It being late, I decided on a chocolate sundae. Surprisingly, the cool vanilla sweetness and chocolate syrup paired well with the silky roasted porter, so perhaps there is an upside to the arcane Utah liquor laws.
Several Polygamy Porters and one great wife is heaven. The opposite is hell.